It’s what we all want. Yes I, like you, wish there was a can of “Easier Softer Way” sold at my local hardware store. This way I could just buy it and spray a lil of it on those tougher than ever jobs that always seem to crop up in my
life. Talk about a popular item for retail sales everywhere!
I first heard “No easier softer way” from my dad.
I first heard this term spoken by my dad. Dad was one of the first persons in our family to go through and experience a 12 step program. He was one of the first to start reading daily affirmations, and he was also one of the first family members I know of to commit suicide. While his death was legally deemed “accidental” by the coroner, he and I were best friends and I knew intimately what he was going through.
The anniversary of my dads death is December 14th 1994. As the years go by, I continually learn to accept his death, primarily because he taught and gave me so much while he was here. Even in his passing, I’ve been educated on what works, and what doesn’t, in life. I decided to do a word search on “No Easier Softer Way,” just to see what comes up. I’m not surprised that it’s a quote that stems from AA.
Twelve step programs are a rigorous step by step process for reprogramming ones life, learning to be honest and ideally improve personal health, well being and relationships. Whether you’re seeking to do that, or your merely someone who appreciates doing interpersonal work on yourself, you’ll at some point find that there’s really no easier softer way when it comes to truly making something right.
This is true when it comes to washing dirty dishes, fixing something mechanical or designing your outdoor living.
The way to have the qualitative, sustainable and long lasting results you’re no doubt looking for, is to do the quality work you know to do. That, or hire a professional like myself to consult, design and work with you. Most entrepreneurs, artists and small business owners know this and are constantly torn between their exquisite craft and being able to sell their services and make an honest living. It’s limiting for me to be the guy that’s sometimes out there working in the trenches trying to physically make things happen the right way, and balance out the other side as the flamboyant Ahmed Hassan Celebrity Landscaper.
No easier way means planning and working through a design with clients.
It’s still kinda cute when I come across an employee or client of mine looking for an easier softer way to handle a situation. There they are, trying real hard to get out of doing something or spending the right amount of time and money to make something truly nice because they’re looking for that quick and simple path to cheap and easy. The path of least resistance, in my opinion, is typically downhill. Either that, or it’s when we’re coasting on the momentum we’ve already worked hard for and created.
When we’re building and striving for our biggest and best dreams, life is going to be challenging. When it’s time to cultivate, plow the fields and start a whole new crop, this is where the work and struggle takes place. I don’t care how philosophical you wanna be, landscaping, gardening, and construction all take work and lot’s of it.
The beauty of gardening, though, is that we’re working with nature and her magnificent power of growth. All we’ve gotta do is get things started and do the initial work well. We don’t have to grow the tree. We’ve just gotta plant it in the right location and offer it the essential elements and minimal maintenance it requires.
No shortcuts means taking the necessary time to do the hard work and do it right.
Ideally we select the appropriate species for the particular climate zone and we provide for it’s water, soil and exposure needs accordingly. If as a young tree its branches and trunk are developed correctly, a central leader is established and maintained, we’ll be successful with a tree that can withstand quite a bit, year after year. We will have one that will provide ample benefits to our home and family, as well as our landscape and garden areas.
The moral to the story is that learning what works and what doesn’t is what life affords us all. We have ample opportunities to try and try again, until we get it right. In everything we do we get to choose. We can spend copious amounts of time looking for the easier or softer way out, or we can just settle on the fact that most things in life are simply going to take plenty of time and work, to give us the kind of results that we want. So whatever it is that you’re trying to rush, force and label as simple…
I challenge you to consider, what kind of end results you actually want. Then use this vision to direct and determine how you move forward.
Thank you for caring and sharing.
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As I took my first ever stroll through the beautiful cemetery across from my home this morning, I had the same thoughts. My Dad, although still living, was also in AA. I remember going to a few meetings with him as a youngster, and marvel at why he never walked all twelve steps. When my only sibling and older brother attempted suicide I climbed in his hospital bed and lied next to him with gratitude for his failure. We learned co-dependence from our Mom and Dad and still experience high levels of dysfunction within our nuclear relationship. Shame, un-forgiveness, anger and low self-esteem were not emotions that anyone would think I struggled with. My larger than life persona, beauty, flair and ability to connect with others didn’t match my inner turmoil. When Universe responds to our willing vibration to serve, I now embrace the quiet before the breakthrough despite being a single Mom, entrepreneur and the breadwinner. I embrace the No Easier, Softer Way and trust that the blessing in this lesson is on its way.
Continue to use your words for the magic they create. I, in turn, will do the same!
ASIS!
Thanks for sharing this lovely tribute to your father. I know you miss him every day — memory and love do that — but I also get that you have accepted not only the loss of his physical being in your life, but also the gift of his spiritual presence and legacy. I was looking for a landscaper and saw you on the hgtv site, but I don’t live in California — sometimes to my chagrin, but not when autumn paints Eastern seaboard leaves in a riot of color — so I’ll keep looking. Anyway, I just wanted to express my gratitude for your blog on “the softer, way”. It’s November, which your dad would probably have remembered as Gratitude Month.
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Dear Mr. Hassan,
I was looking up your hosting years of Yard Crashers (I still miss your-hosted version of the show) and found my way to your blog. By coincidence I am reading this post about a week after one of my heroes, Anthony Bourdain, committed suicide. So, for now, I am responding to the part of this post that resonates for me as a survivor of family suicide (our oldest sibling, my brother, in 2006): I wish you peace and free-flowing love with a strong heart in all things. May all survivors of suicide know they are supported and loved.
Your friend who you have never met,
Michele B in Durham, NC